Finding motivation to write again

Writing used to be something that I was very passionate about, used to be a part of me. I used to fill up notebooks with my thoughts and reflections (in the form of short essays, or poems)

But since past few years, it doesn't come as naturally or as easy anymore. There are few reasons, one of the reason earlier was when my mother, who used to be an avid follower of my writings in this blog, passed away. That caused me to struggle to resume writing from the end of 2014, until I finally able to process my latent grief and started writing back around 2017, Alhamdulillah.

Another reason, which I am still struggling till now is that I'm worried that I might be judged from my writing. I would always, always aim to write good things, with moral messages. At times I would promote things that I believe is true, such as my faith, or justice for the oppressed. (Although there are times where I'm just sharing my boiling emotions, intrusive thoughts or just sharing some humourous events -- but my ideal piece would be as stated above)

I would worry, what if people said "Ahh she writes this, but she's like that" "she's not doing as what she wrote" Those thoughts were the ones that kept my writings hidden in drafts folder. Or worse yet, not even halfway done.

I wonder why do I have to see things in negative way -- well, shouldn't my writings inspire me to become better, just like I wished it could bring some benefits to those who are reading it.

I hope I could write again, write beneficial stuffs instead of my rants. Amin.