Panic!

Assalamualaikum w.b.t



Frustration. Heaps of it.
I'm maybe in a state that I could not even stand alone.
But thanks to Allah, I choose to keep myself awake.

Maybe I didn't try enough.  Played too much. Looooooong daydream. Overslept. Hak.

But to think of the effort that I made. I didn't think that it could be this bad. Wished it was better, of course.. But really, I could only plan.

And I FAILED to plan. So much like I'm planning to fail.

It happened before, and I used to look at the bright side. Bright side? Well now everything seems dim.

Evil exam papers.. evil. evil. evil. Couldn't even survive a class. Couldn't even breath looking at your sight. The idea of my future depends on you is ugly.

And how could I let this happen to me?

O Allah, don't let me feel so helpless. You gave me so many things but I keep sighing.
O Allah let me know what my weaknesses are. For they are so many that you need to keep me realise of that.
O Allah please let the burden off me. Make me do this only for you, for you and none others do matter. Let me realise that, cause I keep on going astray.

I'm a weak person. Need a guidance in every way. Though people can't see, I'm just a thin piece of glass pretending to be concrete. Can't stand to tall or else I'll fall. As if I could even stand tall.

p/s : shouldn't do this again. shouldn't ever. I should move on. No, I'm not alone.


still crawling slowly :) pray for my safety kay?

hantuk-hantuk kepala kat dinding

DUSH! (hantuk kepala kat dinding)
jawab exam separa sedar
pergi kelas hari2 pergi kosong balik pun kosong

DUSH! DUSH!
mak oi cik limah.
hidupkan enjin kereta pun tahu2 sdh lupa
kesian lesen ada tuan macam tak bertuan

DUSH!
makan hari2 pagi petang siang malam ulang-ulang
tidur mau sampai pengsan ayam berkokok
tengok kotak TV rabun-rabun makin rabun

DUSH! DUSH! DUSH!
arghhh sakit ini kepala.

sudah jgn mengeluh. jgn negatif. jgn asyik slhkan diri.
kalau hari2 senario ulang tayang baik tak yah bising2.
Sedar sangat sedar tapi peel macam tak reti.
kalendar tukar ganti, azam sama lagi

p/s: hati, tolong jangan mati berkali2.

3 weeks later...

A picture is worth thousands of words.

                                             3 weeks in KTT ;) (tengok, siap ade roti gardenia) haisy2 cik jenin...

orientasi Kolej Teknologi Timur Sepang

okei... dulu aku mmg smgt gle nk smbung study... waktu dpt twran jpa tu mmg syukur sgt2 n xsbr nk wat a-level kat KTT (sebelum tu hampehhh xtaw pape psl a-level gn KTT) hahahh..

tp honestly, first n second day sy kat cni... tetiba jd mcm shocked n rase mcm out-of-place... Mcm rase cik jenin ni mmg kaw2 xdpt fit nk study kat tmpat ni... Xtaw mayb sbb dh lame sgt cuti n terperap lam umah(homesick woooo).. :'( ataupun sbb environment die laen sgt klu nk dibandingkan dgn skolah lame... ehmm jd mmg smgt tu xde lam first n second day... third day pun makin unhappy sbb dh x smgt kannn?

tp bile pkir2 balik... sbb dh set fikiran mcm tu la kte ssh nk adapt gn environment baru..  kte yg menyusahkan diri sendiri.. ehmmm mmg betul tu..

Allah tak akan membebankan seseorang itu dengan ujian yang tak mampu dilaluinya

ehmm betul tu... mesti ada hikmahnya kan? sebelum ni kan kdg2 ada masalah.... tp tetap boleh lalui jgk kan? Even sesusah mane pun, sebenarnya kita mampu je, Allah tau kat mane kemampuan kte. Maybe kte rase xmampu, tapi ape yg kte tau? Ni semua rancangan Dia, dh tertulis dari duluuu lagi... Jadi

Insyaallah semuanya baik2 je

lepas tu, alhamdulillah, dua hari terakhir orientasi, semuanye rase tenang dan gembira jgk sbb dh tukar mindset. Walaupun mcm ada sisa2 sikit, tapi tu toooolak tepi dulu. Fokus dgn bnda yg kite patut lakukan, jgn nk emosi2 & smuanye jd Syiok sikit!^^

teringin nk cerita baaaanyyaaaak2 psl KTT... tp mgkin len kali? baru ptg td penutupan orientasi n masih terasa lagi aftermath die... group ktorang tdo pukul 4pg tau tak semalam? haisyyy maen part bibik je lam drama musikal pn cm tu? hehehh mestila, nk bg suppport dgt main actors n actresses gak. Lgpun bile lg nk lepak smpai kol 4pg? hehehh tu mmg lebih curfew giler la..  Laen kali xkan buat jgk kn, sbb tdo lewat2 sgt ni kan x baik utk kesihatannn? (sindiran utk adek fasihah.... hahahhh)^^

mekasih mama, papa, kakak n adik bg semangat... mekasih jgk kat Kak syafiqah n Mr F... :)
Cik jenin xkan putus asa.. Nanti start kelas, jgn panggil kte Cik Jenin lg taw, panggil Cik Rajin pulakkk... Cik Jenin nk jd cik rajin :) insyaallah smua boleh je kannn?

Before I'm gone...

Sebelum saya pergi..
Hehe^^.. I'm just being dramatic.. actually the more suitable title for this post is.. "things to do before I continue my studies.."

ok, jd sblom pat smbung blaja mane2, ada beberapa task yg perlu dselesaikan:

1. Belajar Masak  
Setakat ni, emm.. kalau yg simple tu, bolehla beres gak nk masak.. tp kalau yg kompleks2 ckit tu alahai.. kdg2 mcm2 rupe je jd.. yg paling kroniknye klu wat pencuci mulut boleh lupe letak gula lak.. mak aih.. tu namanye mendera org yg tukang makan.. Jd akhirnye tpakse gak refer gn cookbook.. tp cookbook yg paling pro sudah semestinya my mom! hehehe^^ jd hrp2nye byk ilmu psl mskan dr mama smpat dpelajari sblom mlanjutkan plajaran.. yelah, nnti asyik dok gn buku je.. xde masa, kn?

2. Belajar teknik main chess
haha.. yg ni lg teruk dr memasak sbnanya.. mmg xde pa2 ilmu la psl chess mula2.. yg mane satu king pun tak tau.. tp lps ade sowg kwn tu ajk main, tgok cambest je main.. he3.. klu korang nk main, leh main on9 kat chesscube. gune akaun fb je, sng.. tp utk org yg btol2 beginner cam sy nih, mmg jwbnye kalah je la kerja.. xpe2.. practice makes perfect kan? hahaa.. sbnany sy pn pesimis gak leh ke x master bnde nih..

3. Belajar jd pemandu berhemah
yg ni pun parah ckit.. yela, hari tu tetibe je masuk smpang umah leh tersalah simpang.. pastu selamba je leh undur.. ha.. pastu pdn muka kne hon dr belakang.. kecut perut.. haha.. sakit gak jantung kne hon... pastu jd tergagap2 je driving. habis melayang la smua ilmu cikgu ajar.. tp insyaallah lama2 ok kot..

4. Belajar jd kakak yg lebih penyabar..

yelah2.. ni nak jd pnyabar ckit la ni.. bkn sng tau jd kakak.. tp nk jg adik tu amanah kn? x kire yg dh bsr pnjg atau kecik.. bkn leh wat main2..

p/s: emmmm... terpikir2 ape yg nak bwat ntuk mother's day ye...