Fighting :')

Assalamualaikum w.b.t

I felt very frustrated with myself. Very.

Today afternoon, I went to my Physics class.... late. It was 10 minutes late to be precise. Yes, I might feel very embarassed towards my friends. But my dissapoinment towards myself is even stronger. Didn't I just vowed to never be late, to be really punctual, like a real Muslim should this semester?
Yes, my discipline record maybe wasn't too clean but yes, I want to change, to become a better person. Yet this time I failed..

I know I was feeling quite sick nowadays. I'm used to sinusitis, but sometimes it seems to become more severe as I grow up. And sometimes I was just too tired to cope with it. And normally I decide to sleep and forget everything.

There's so many things I wanted to do, I needed to do, but I ended up wanting to sleep most badly. I hate myself sometimes, for this. I'm starting to use sickness as an excuse to become lazy. Whereas I know, in this world, there are people more unfortunate than me, sicker than me, but they still work hard. I felt like banging my head on the door. I don't want to become lazy, yet I felt too tired.

But I realise that I have to fight.

I was ten minutes late. I went to the class with a red face, too embarassed to even say out simple words of apology towards my lecturer. I was really sorry, didn't meant to become rude.. But I couldn't even see straight towards her eyes..


And also, because I was panic that I was late, my heart was pumping crazily that I couldn't even focus to what she was teaching. Which page, which topic, yes I was left behind. And when I found the topic, I still felt very lost.

I felt so frustrated with myself, that I almost cried in the class. When the lecture was over, I zoomed back to my room. Can't even face my friends.

I don't want this to happen anymore.. Why am I so weak? I'm freaking myself. Allah, please forgive me..
please make me strong..



I don't feel like sleeping anymore. Not tonight.


...mungkin hari ini aku tersadung, tapi esok, mungkin lebih baik :)



susah kan? :(




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Ar-Ra'd : 11