Last thursday, I've got the chance to enter one spinal vertebra operation, TLIF**. In overview, the operation is aimed to relief pessure from nerve roots. Patient initially came with reduced sensation and motor weakness of left lower limb. It was preceeded with a sports injury around 5 years back, done an operation at that time, recovered, however the same problem recurred since a week prior.
It was probably the longest operation i've ever witnessed. I was just a runner, two specialists and two MOs scrubbed in. To be honest, i was quite blur because this was the first spinal vertebra operation i've ever seen. Alhamdulillah for the opportunity.
What makes me happy was the next day, when we were doing morning rounds. We did a neurological test on the patient and his sensation at left lower limb improved. Patient was also amused by this, and he sweared he wasn't lying when he told he can feel! We were unable to test motor function of left lower limb due to pain at the moment. However, i got to know from those who worked during his day of discharge, his motor function also improved!
At that moment i felt a jolt of happiness. Almost to the point of crying. Is this how doctors feels when patients improved? I wanted to frame that moment. That feeling.
I was feeling down 2 weeks prior to this moment. I was feeling like maybe i wasn't cut out for this job. However, that happy feeling gave me hope. This is why I'm here. To help people, right? To help people have a better quality of life. To put a smile on their face (I think opening a cake shop will do the same, but yeah i don't have the modal yet 😂)
It doesn't always turn that way though. We feel despair when patients come back with worsen condition. Worsen infection. Was there something wrong? Did we miss important advice, did we miss to emphasis on follow ups and medication/ wound dressing compliance?
However, happy moments like these make us feel hope. And being able to witness this and feel this, is a gift indeed to keep on going.
In the end, la hawla wala quwwata illa billah. “There is neither might nor power except with Allah”. In the end, we are only trying within our means and knowledge from Him. The cure come from Him and only Him.
I don't know what tomorrow holds. 3 months into this job and there are still many first times for me. And a roller coaster of emotions.
May Allah give me strength to keep trying to improve myself.
** TLIF : transforaminal lumbar interbody fusion
= A surgery where we we remove an intervertebral disc and fuse together two or more vertebra(e). One of the indication is for recurrent prolapse intervertebral disc.
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