Assalamualaikum w.b.t
I never knew I could, or would, write again. I used to have so many things I wanted to write, but failed so because of time limitations, but lately I didn't even have the desire to write. Surprisingly, there was one time that I have an outburst of emotion but I chose to voice note a friend, and another time I used a sound recorder to self-journal instead of writing. I thought that, perhaps, my personality has changed too much, that it's hard to write again.
But not today. Today, I feel the need to write again.
Today, I am going to document in a nutshell of what I'm feeling since I've reached home in Malaysia, 3 months back.
A. THE HIGHS
Alhamdulillah, here are too many things that I can't be grateful enough for :
- My flight is 1 week before MCO in Malaysia
I could never imagine this could happen. On the day that I booked the flight, the cases in Malaysia is still around 22--no spike, controlled, stagnant for few days if I'm not mistaken. There was only 3 cases in India. I was thinking of delaying my return home--it feels a little bit of a rush actually. Packing up, emptying the rented house, dealing with all the documents, selling my scooter--the saddest part is, I didn't get to say proper goodbye to my friends and neighbours. But Alhamdulillah, there was some instinct, that I have to rush in case Coronavirus worsen, I would face with more difficulty in the process of going home.
True enough, if I delayed a little bit more-- I might have been stuck in India for a longer time, because the border would be closed. That's a bad situation- given that my Visa is nearing expiration date, my rental contract is over, and I have no purpose of overstaying-- I have completed my internship.
I might be able to go back, but the process would be lenghtier, and I have to be screened and compulsory quarantined for 14 days regardless of the result.
-I am with my family
I am blessed to do what I couldn't do the last 7 years, I got to spend a lot of time with my family. Many people, during MCO, are separated from their loved ones. My friends in India, my relatives who are working as frontliners, my friends who are working in Peninsular Malaysia while their family is in Sarawak, and so many others. I am very fortunate, Alhamdulillah, that all my nuclear family member are staying in the same home during MCO or within the same area (my sister is staying almost 5minutes from home LOL). Alhamdulillah I am not alone, I got company, I am surrounded with the people I love, the most supportive persons I could ever have. This is also the time for me to re-pay my parents by doing good deeds to them, and also the time for me to get re-acquainted and become a functioning physical (previously virtual) sister to my sisters. We're given the chance to spend our Ramadhan together, and got to see papa doing his best as the Imam of the family 😊
- There's enough food on the table
My younger sister and I had always been avid supporter of #stayathome since first day of MCO. We would always root for MCO to be extended whenever there's press conference. We have a little bit of paranoia, but that's only because there are high risk individual at home. We want the graph to go as low as possible--before the world can work as usual. But that's not the luxury that everyone can afford. after two weeks into MCO, some people get it difficult- there's no more savings, but they can't go out to do their jobs, especially self-employed, based on sales, kais pagi makan pagi. There's one headline of a couple crying on the strees because they can't feed their family anymore. The reality of the situation-that soften our hearts to those who are struggling. Let's help them with what we can and keep them in our prayers.
-Friends I could contact
You know who you are. People who I can talk with, text with, and just be me to keep myself sane. Most importantly, some special ones who I can share my reflections and knock some sense into me when I am being, repeatedly, an ungrateful servant of Allah. Andddd I also got to do what I had always wanted to do-- re-connecting with old friends. I moved around, that had lead me to lose contact with a lot of precious friends, adding to that I've gone through some difficult phase during my study years that I went asocial for about a year or two. MCO has given me agreat chance to reconnect, Alhamdulillah. How? Just find them in FB or Insta-- ask them how they're doing during this MCO times. They'd be glad to hear from you! (hopefully they're not pretending to be glad-- but well, relationships take time to rekindle, I'd just give it a go) Alliza, if you see this, I can't contact you from anywhere and I've missed you too!
-Keeping it Simple
I wore a very comfortable cotton baju kurung for raya-- no need to really be bergaya. We mostly cooked our own dishes for Ramadhan and Raya, and our parents are just as accepting, whatever the dishes turned out to be. No bazaar, means no overspending. Just need to control those online shopping though--those promos are blinding, but need to differentiate between need or want.
B. THE LOWS
I never knew I could, or would, write again. I used to have so many things I wanted to write, but failed so because of time limitations, but lately I didn't even have the desire to write. Surprisingly, there was one time that I have an outburst of emotion but I chose to voice note a friend, and another time I used a sound recorder to self-journal instead of writing. I thought that, perhaps, my personality has changed too much, that it's hard to write again.
But not today. Today, I feel the need to write again.
Today, I am going to document in a nutshell of what I'm feeling since I've reached home in Malaysia, 3 months back.
A. THE HIGHS
Alhamdulillah, here are too many things that I can't be grateful enough for :
- My flight is 1 week before MCO in Malaysia
I could never imagine this could happen. On the day that I booked the flight, the cases in Malaysia is still around 22--no spike, controlled, stagnant for few days if I'm not mistaken. There was only 3 cases in India. I was thinking of delaying my return home--it feels a little bit of a rush actually. Packing up, emptying the rented house, dealing with all the documents, selling my scooter--the saddest part is, I didn't get to say proper goodbye to my friends and neighbours. But Alhamdulillah, there was some instinct, that I have to rush in case Coronavirus worsen, I would face with more difficulty in the process of going home.
True enough, if I delayed a little bit more-- I might have been stuck in India for a longer time, because the border would be closed. That's a bad situation- given that my Visa is nearing expiration date, my rental contract is over, and I have no purpose of overstaying-- I have completed my internship.
I might be able to go back, but the process would be lenghtier, and I have to be screened and compulsory quarantined for 14 days regardless of the result.
-I am with my family
I am blessed to do what I couldn't do the last 7 years, I got to spend a lot of time with my family. Many people, during MCO, are separated from their loved ones. My friends in India, my relatives who are working as frontliners, my friends who are working in Peninsular Malaysia while their family is in Sarawak, and so many others. I am very fortunate, Alhamdulillah, that all my nuclear family member are staying in the same home during MCO or within the same area (my sister is staying almost 5minutes from home LOL). Alhamdulillah I am not alone, I got company, I am surrounded with the people I love, the most supportive persons I could ever have. This is also the time for me to re-pay my parents by doing good deeds to them, and also the time for me to get re-acquainted and become a functioning physical (previously virtual) sister to my sisters. We're given the chance to spend our Ramadhan together, and got to see papa doing his best as the Imam of the family 😊
- There's enough food on the table
My younger sister and I had always been avid supporter of #stayathome since first day of MCO. We would always root for MCO to be extended whenever there's press conference. We have a little bit of paranoia, but that's only because there are high risk individual at home. We want the graph to go as low as possible--before the world can work as usual. But that's not the luxury that everyone can afford. after two weeks into MCO, some people get it difficult- there's no more savings, but they can't go out to do their jobs, especially self-employed, based on sales, kais pagi makan pagi. There's one headline of a couple crying on the strees because they can't feed their family anymore. The reality of the situation-that soften our hearts to those who are struggling. Let's help them with what we can and keep them in our prayers.
-Friends I could contact
You know who you are. People who I can talk with, text with, and just be me to keep myself sane. Most importantly, some special ones who I can share my reflections and knock some sense into me when I am being, repeatedly, an ungrateful servant of Allah. Andddd I also got to do what I had always wanted to do-- re-connecting with old friends. I moved around, that had lead me to lose contact with a lot of precious friends, adding to that I've gone through some difficult phase during my study years that I went asocial for about a year or two. MCO has given me agreat chance to reconnect, Alhamdulillah. How? Just find them in FB or Insta-- ask them how they're doing during this MCO times. They'd be glad to hear from you! (hopefully they're not pretending to be glad-- but well, relationships take time to rekindle, I'd just give it a go) Alliza, if you see this, I can't contact you from anywhere and I've missed you too!
-Keeping it Simple
I wore a very comfortable cotton baju kurung for raya-- no need to really be bergaya. We mostly cooked our own dishes for Ramadhan and Raya, and our parents are just as accepting, whatever the dishes turned out to be. No bazaar, means no overspending. Just need to control those online shopping though--those promos are blinding, but need to differentiate between need or want.
B. THE LOWS
-Adaptation
I left Malaysia when I was 20 years old, that was like early adulthood. But I don't really think I got to really experience adulthood in Malaysia before, all I did was study, in a college away from the city. But then, when I got back here, I am already 27 years old! Sometimes I feel too old to learn things that people my age should know well already in this country. What are the social norms here? What to say, what not to say. How to deal with the bank? How should I address people of that age or social status? Encik, Tuan, Pakcik, Abang, Adik? How much is the actual price for a thing, is that considered expensive or cheap? I don't even know places very well. It is actually a stretch, that it could be tiring, to accept that there's a lot of things you have to learn. And you can't help but hope that people would excuse you for not knowing trivial things for your age. I've been away for almost 7 years, surely many things I haven't experienced, many things have changed since I left, or many things are just different from how it is in India-- so I hope that people would give me some mercy if i made mistakes.
-Sense of Independence
Here's my life in India-- I felt more adult, more independent there. I know the places. I am familiar with the breakfast pakciks, tea aunty, the hospital security guards, the vegetable hawkers, Mrs Soraya the neighbour, the house owner, the supermarket cashier, the friendly nurses. I have a scooter that I don't have to depend on another people to get things done. Of course, I do get help from friends and acquaitances in certain areas. But, well, you get what I mean? Due to familiarity, I know what to do there. Here, not really...sometimes I felt like I am a dependent, child. Perhaps once MCO is over, I can get out there, get a job somewhere, things would be better.
-Friends in India
I missed you already! To malaysian friends, because you're my second family! We celebrated Raya together, even with tak cukup serai apa. I know things are difficult there during the MCO/lockdown but you've survived so many things in India, you can get through this too!
To some of my Indian friends whom I got to know better during internship, thank you for being a sport and accepting me as a person! All the best to you guys.
CONCLUSION
Alhamdulillah for the highs and the lows, for I learnt with both. Things are going to get different after this, with RMCO. Hopefully I'll be able to adapt more, explore more and grow more, may Allah give me strength and patience for that.
More than that, let's pray for the situation around the world to recover. Amin
2 comments:
The way you portray your writing. I am not sure. But it reminds me with me with Miss Azura! I'm not sure if you remember me. Fatyha from MRSM. Kmk scroll ur tdung IG then ternmpak ur ig. And suddenly tgk ur ig ada link blog. That's how I can be here haha
Hi tyha! Of course i remember you, the friendly tekwondo girl hehe. Thank you for reading.. I miss Miss Azura a lot, she's a great teacher!
Post a Comment